Things in my life, which aren't always normal, or positive for that matter. But it's a heartfelt journey nonetheless.
Click the tags for separate pages.
Post with 8 notes
This New Archive Layout Sucks Ass
It’s almost entirely identical to a regular Tumblr page. What’s the point of even having it now?
Post with 1 note
Sitting on Facebook
**scrolling through statuses in the News Feed**
“Oh hey I should comment on that”
**thinks out loud to self while typing mid-sentence**
“Oh I really don’t even give a shit”
**Closes page**
Post with 3 notes
This Is Why I Hate This Place Sometimes
Yahoo’s buying Tumblr eh? Oh okay let’s all freak the fuck out without reading into any of the facts first, and cause unwarranted paranoia and hysteria in the process.
Because someone posting a tweet from a “source” or a screencap is soooo credible.
You’re worse than Facebook sometimes I swear.
My Life, and Superheroes
I’ve been meaning to get around to this for quite some time now. It was meant to be a retrospective of all of the MCU films, leading up to The Avengers. But I waited until I felt my personal opinions on that film became grounded enough, so as not to be overwhelmed by all of the praise it had been getting, at the time. Which needless to say, was a lot.
But with that said, and to summarize briefly, it is currently my all time favorite Comic-Book movie. But that is something I’ll get into later on.
For now, I’ll go back some years into my early childhood, where I first discovered the likes of the Batman, and Spider-Man.
Post with 1 note
Things The Internet Has Inadvertently Turned Me Against (7)
Bill Murray.
Part of me understands completely why my generation digs him so much. He’s been able to transcend his comedic roots into a more contemporary, artistic facet. Especially his work with Wes Anderson. That’s great, good on him for being able to sustain a successful career, for as long as he has.
He’s done some great work, Ghostbusters and it’s sequel obviously, and What About Bob being a personal favorite of mine ever since I was a little guy.
But honestly, the guy’s highly overrated. Not to mention half the people who love him probably aren’t even aware of his reputation for being a complete asshole. I just feel like they give him more credit than he’s worth sometimes.
Out of the three key players from that era in SNL history, he’s the least funniest in my opinion. The other two of course, being Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase.
And yes, I’m well aware of Chase’s reputation of being just as, if not more difficult than Murray in the industry. But Chase’s rapid-fire snarcastic brand of humor was always something that stuck with me more. I’ve grown up with all three of these guys, so I have a great appreciation for each. But very rarely, especially among the pseudo-elitist hipster crowds do I hear mentions of how great Chevy Chase was in Christmas Vacation, or how brilliant Dan Aykroyd was in Nothing But Trouble (highly underrated comedy in my opinion, in which Chevy Chase also starred).
No, it’s always how great Murray was in Zombieland, or Caddyshack, or how “cool” he is for crashing parties and having unexpected run-ins with fans.
Bill Murray is not the center of the comedic universe, I hate to tell you.
Post with 1 note
I’ve Been On Here For Two Years Today
Doesn’t seem like that long a span of time. Nonetheless it’s been a great experience for me thus far.
Post with 1 note
G. I. Joe: Retaliation….Wasn’t That Bad Really
I haven’t been to a theater since September 2012 I believe, and with this year shaping up to be potentially pleasing for movies, I was really wanting to check this one out.
I’ve always been a passive fan of the Joes, but I liked the story. Good guys going against your typical over-the-top villain who’s bent on world domination. All the while using some seriously sweet gadgets, weapons and vehicles to help in their battles.
All of those elements right there were perfect for a live action G.I. Joe film. But oddly enough, despite my absolute love for Stephen Summers movies, I was quite disappointed with the first film. It had just about everything I had already mentioned, except the execution I felt was too….fantastical? It catered too much to children perhaps? Something along those lines, I will say.
But with the cast lined up for the sequel, my interest was piqued with little reservation. So I caught it today, with two of my nephews, decent enough movie partners I felt, especially considering the thematic nature of the film. It would have felt weird with anyone else.
Overall, it was good. Everything that the first film (allegedly) ruined was rectified in this outing. Even Snake Eyes lost the unnecessary visible mouth he had from the first film, and was replaced with a more toy accurate face. His armor was even changed to validate his likeness to the toy even that much more. His sub-plot with Stormshadow, and subsequent action sequences were arguably the best out of both films combined.
We finally get to see Cobra Commander in full, although his role was undermined in favor of Zartan. But considering the circumstances of Zartan’s role, it’s understandable. Duke and Roadblock had decent chemistry, for this kind of film anyway. The other Joes, including the original himself (Bruce Willis), were all great supporting characters.
The gadgets, weapons and vehicles were all fantastic, and weren’t as overdone I felt, as they were in the first film. This film was grounded more in reality, aside from some key moments, but I was happy to see it as more relatable than the first.
My only complaint was that they killed off Duke way too quickly. And not because I liked him (I like Roadblock much better), but because of the fact that they did re-shoots specifically for Channing Tatum, which delayed the film almost a whole year. All that just to be killed so early on? What’s more, is the run time. With all these re-shoots, why was the film cut so short? I have no clue, but more time could have been more beneficial for character development in my opinion.
Anyway, it wasn’t bad at all. A great start to the Summer movie season in my opinion.
Post with 2 notes
“You’ve Obviously Never Had Real Depression”
I was faced with this response tonight, from someone on Facebook, after trying to help a friend out that’s been severely depressed lately. I came off a bit strong, I’m sure. But this is something that registers all too familiar for me.
It’s been awhile since I’ve last talked about anything personal. I guess tonight, I’ve found something worth discussing.
I have this distant memory from when I was very young. Single digits, maybe six or seven, I really don’t know. I remember being in a park, or some wooded area, that opened up into a large grassy field. It had to be Summer, because I remember the trees, grass and surroundings being a pure, fresh green color.
I remember running past one of those barrier gates, that keep cars out at night, scared half to death. I remember feeling alone, and terrified. And then someone found me, my parents possibly, but I’m not really sure. I’ve never remembered what exactly happened, but I remember what I had felt.
Even at that age, early in my life, I felt such dread and loneliness. I think all of this, everything I’ve been feeling, stems from that distant memory. Molding me, emotionally, into what I’ve become today.
Ever since First Grade I’ve had anxiety, I just never knew what it was called then. It was the sensation of humility around my peers, feeling unaccepted and vulnerable. Awkward, and in a state of almost constant frenzy. Whether it be the task of socializing with people, or just the general responsibility of being a good classmate, it was just all so overwhelming. Far beyond the comprehension of any “normal” kid my age. I thought maybe it was a learning disability that I had, but then again I was one of the exceptionally gifted kids in the class. In retrospect it was just about feeling unsafe, away from my home and generalized comfort zone. I felt safe, and secure at home, away from any attacks that could have been brought upon me.
And sure, everyone hates school. No one wants to go. But I never had the inherent sense of responsibility that other kids possessed. It was never something I felt was necessary for me to excel in my life, oddly enough. I just wanted to enjoy my life, and it seemed that so many people expected so much more out of me than I, at that age, was able to give.
I should have stayed in school, instead of ever having dropped out. But by that time I was ridiculed to the point of being almost phobic, at the thought of having to get up and face all of that each day. I can remember my first week, in First Grade, having my head kicked into a post by another classmate. I don’t remember the verbal exchange all that well, but he did it, and as soon as his foot settled back into the gravel, he got up and ran off, left me there crying.
It was on and off for me, until eventually I had lost any enthusiasm I may had once had for going. My mom and dad tried to help me, but it was hard conveying my feelings, when I had no understanding of them.
It’s as though you’re hurting inside, and you have no idea why. You’re desperate for help, to relieve you of these terrible feelings, but no one understands because you can’t possibly understand, yourself.
I had been so racked with depressing emotions and feelings, that I literally willed myself into being sick. I had to be admitted to urgent care, where they gave me an IV drop, because I had dehydrated myself so badly. I was 12 years old then. Coupled with the inception of keeping late hours, it was especially difficult for me to maintain any normal schedule during the school days. The thought of therapy, or some sort of clinical diagnosis never occurred to me, simply because I felt that I was strong enough to overcome everything on my own.
Unfortunately I endured a lot of “personal tragedies” that only perpetuated my depression. My fears worsened, and nearly crippled me emotionally. Hindering my social abilities, up until a few years ago, when then I finally got sick of feeling sheltered. I ventured out into the world, more and more, and my social anxiety became less frequent. My on and off sadness still lingers, and my fear of isolation is ever prevalent. I’ve never been able to overcome that.
Not to mention I’m constantly surrounded by sadness and negativity. Even now I feel as misunderstood about my deficiencies as I did when I was younger. A lot of my own family is apathetic towards my woes.
I’ve mentioned before that I’ve come to terms with my loneliness, and I have. Under circumstantial conditioning, anyway. The thought of being out of touch, and vulnerable is what scares me most. These past few months have only dragged on, with little to no motivation for me to better my life.
I am trying though. But when you’ve been picked on, made fun of, discredited, ignored, and forgotten, yeah, it’s easy.
But I’m trying.
When you’ve had to watch your mother suffer through emotional distress, her own depression, and then lay in a coma for four days because she made herself sick over a man that she thought was worth the pain, yeah, it’s easy.
And when you’ve been beaten by that same man, had a gun pulled on you in a fit of drunken rage, and had your life threatened….Yeah….it’s easy to feel depressed.
But I’m trying. Fighting, everyday against the demons that I was once too afraid to face. But I have stopped running. And it’s been hell ever since.
But I’m trying.
Post with 2 notes
JJ Abrams Will Direct Star Wars Episode VII
Personally, I’m okay with this. I’ve trusted Abrams since Cloverfield, and ultimately the Star Trek reboot. He’s an energetic, sharp filmmaker with a grand admiration for the art. In fact I consider him the Spielberg of this generation’s filmmakers, so all the more reason to tackle a project like this.
With that said, I loved Star Trek (2009), and am looking forward (apprehensively) to Star Trek Into Darkness. If the latter could be half as enjoyable as the former, then I’ll be satisfied enough to settle with just the two films in the rebooted franchise. I won’t be one of those whine-bag fanboys who complains that he jumped ship, or that the Trek films were a bastardization of the original works. Trek 2009 is actually one of my all time favorite movies, interestingly enough.
If you really think it over, the Star Trek reboot had a lot of the same energy and momentum that the original Star Wars trilogy had, anyway. Whether or not that was Abrams intent is questionable, but regardless, the influences from those films shine through in his projects.
JJ always said he was a much bigger fan of Star Wars, anyway.
Post with 2 notes
It’s Been A Slow Start So Far
The last month of 2012 was actually one of the best I’d had all of that year. It actually felt like Christmas for the first time in quite awhile. Thanks due in part to a very special person in the my life, who took it upon herself to make the trip up from her home state, to see me.
She’s gone back home now, and things have settled back into their place. It’s quite here, although not the ominous kind that harbors dread or unknown presumptions. Just….boring I suppose. I’ve made some efforts to get myself moving, out of the standstill that grips my life as it is. But it gets depressing every now and then. I’ve settled into this routine of insecure thoughts, and a consistent comfortable state.
Don’t get me wrong, being comfortable in your life isn’t a bad thing. But I learned that placing yourself, out of your element can be a blessing in disguise. Part of the adventure of life is facing perils and dangers, after all.
Sometimes your only limits are the ones you set for yourself. There are no confines of the mind, only “comfort zones”.
I made a somewhat superfluous list of activities to further maintain my sense of artistic ability, in an effort of occupy my thoughts and idle time, week to week. Simple little things, that hopefully, with the right amount of motivation, can put me in a more positive direction in my life.
Here’s hoping a more positive and productive mindset will carry through, throughout the rest of this year.
Grave Indifference
At the risk of sounding nihilistic, I’m just going to speak my mind as truthful as one can. I’ve sat on this thought for a long time, but today seems as appropriate as any to divulge in such a topic.
Regardless of our technological advancements and a vast wealth of knowledge, as long as there are more than one person in this world, there will always be indifference for one’s ideals. Sheer ignorance for one’s moral standing. It’s a social behavior to disagree, even with one’s self. That’s how arguments ensue. That’s how murders begin. And that’s how wars begin. To believe in something is perfectly fine, don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. But the problem lies with someone who does. And there will always be someone who disagrees. whether it be with words….or a gun.
I once said that human beings are the worst type of virus. More volatile than any cancer or disease.
Sure, there are a few decent souls left upon this earth. But for every good heart there is a sliver of evil, always at the ready. You don’t have to believe in God, or the Devil, to know that evil is an existent human condition. Personally, I’m of the firm belief that it does. Any amount of governed laws or prospects will never stop that. Taking away the weapon won’t free the killer of the burden. It will only intensify it.
We won’t ever know peace or true love as it is perceived. Only the struggle that entails it’s pursuit.
And this is the world we live in. Monsters are no longer under our beds or in the closet. They live among us now. The most we can do is try. Try to believe in what good there is left in the world, and love one another as long as we have the time to do so. and who knows, maybe, just maybe we can make a difference with “love” and “peace”.
But days like this make me feel like John Lennon was just talking out of his ass.
I never reblog the same thing twice.
Ever. Purely intentional on my part, and considering my moderate post count per month, it’s easy to keep track anyway. I like for each post to be unique, lame as that sounds. There’s always my archive.
On that note, I wonder if anyone else searches other people’s archives, like I do.
Post with 1 note
I Turn 25 Today
Not nearly as joyous as I would’ve hoped for. But it’s a good time of reflection, upon all of my accomplishments I’ve achieved this past year. As with last year’s, I’ve made considerable improvements as a person. in an effort to better myself so that one day, maybe I can feel like the person that people deserve.
But that’s all I feel. Memories of a better time in my life. No joy today, as there seems to be nothing. Any inherent happiness is absent. At least for now.
I’m an advocate for positive change in one’s life. Mine is no different. But the irony is that it’s always easier for me to instill positivity into other people, but never myself. The realization of mortality and loneliness have scared me into another depression. I’ve contested against it before, so this should be nothing new. But I just feel….alone. Out of my element. Even with the ones I love, I feel I have no control over my life.
The past scares me, the present scares me, and even the future scares me. The loneliness of it. I’ve always been plagued by the fear of solitude. Although I’ve become reclusive in more recent years ironically. Ever since first grade, my most persistent of insecurities, has been that I don’t like being alone. Not the conditional, childish “boyfriend/girlfriend” idea of loneliness, no. A life without family, without friends. Without any loved ones. Anyone to connect with, to make me feel grounded in this world.
That kind of loneliness.
But then again, it is just a fear. The worst possible scenarios are usually the most illogical, in the confines of the mind. It takes just as much strength to worry as it does to be happy, I’m told. I should try to institute that.
Though, it is easier to fall as it is to climb….
My demons are my own. Only I can defeat them. I chose not to fun from them a long time ago. That’s silly. And as somber and depressing as this may seem, there is a silver lining to it. I have my accomplishments to look back on. All the new Relationships I’ve forged, all of the changes I’ve made within myself. All of the courage it took for me to face some of my toughest opponents.
I’m still here, and reminded of a quote that I’ve posted from time to time.
“Triumph lies within the deepest, darkest pit. A wretched, twisted personal hell. You just have to survive long enough, to reach it”
Post with 1 note
Things Tumblr Has Taught Me
Never to expect the same thing twice.
**Scrolling someone’s Tumblr**
Something with cats
Something with Star Wars
A picture of a beach with someone in the shot, out of focus with a “meaningful” piece of text written over it.
Guy with a beard
Girls who like guys with beards
Something else about beards
Something about bacon
Hipster with a beard playing a Nintendo game
OH GOD IS THAT A DICK
more cats
A fire hydrant with a caption that reads “I’ll always be alone”
HARD COCKS INSERTING THEMSELVES INTO VAGINAS
Pokemon
JAMES DEEN FUCKING SOMEONE
DICKS
MORE DICKS
TOO MANY GODDAMN DICKS
OCCASIONAL VAGINA
Page 1 of 6
